Resources to help parent children in a sexualized culture

 Where do I go, as a parent, to be on the offense when it comes to addressing our sexualized culture with my child?

Is there any way that a parent can parent AND be a partner with their child in battling the many pitfalls and lies that are out there?

Is there hope if my child has already been dealing with porn use or addiction for years without me knowing about it?

Is it possible to even expect that our whole family can be completely porn-free?

The answer to all of these questions can most certainly be answered in a positive way, in a way that brings hope to you, those around you, and those who come after you.

This post is simply a listing of places you can go for a healthy perspective and where you can know that many people like you are able to address each of these questions in a very victorious and God-honoring way.

Here they are, in no particular order:

This Talking to Toddlers link helps parents address pornography, from a mom who’s recovered from her own struggle.

This 30-minute podcast announces a forthcoming resource and talk with the creators of this popular documentary, “Into The Light.”

Defendyoungminds.com is dedicated to helping parents talk to their kids about sex.  They are the creators of the “Good Pictures Bad Pictures” books.

Barb Winters, founder of HopefulMom.net and author of Sexpectations, was interviewed by the Pure Desire podcast regarding, “Helping Next Gen Navigate Healthy Relationships.”

”God’s Design for Sex” book series, updated in 2019, includes four books intended to read with your children up to the age of 12.

Stay tuned and refer to the website of the organization that I help lead.  Broken Strength is a Christian non-profit that helps churches help their men battle for sexual purity and spiritual maturity.  Our resource page seek to equip men, women, parents, and teens with the many good, biblical resources out there.

Our only hope, but our sure hope, is in the One who created the universe, created our world, created human beings, and created sex to be enjoyed thoroughly in the bonds of the marriage of a man and a woman.  What if sex has always been reserved for JUST this context?  We clearly would not have many of the ills that our culture currently has.

In order to finish with how the Bible describes this hope, I will simply give you 1 Peter 5:8-11:

Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.

The Straw Man Help us Sleep at Night

There will always be people we disagree with and who disagree with us.  The more that you talk about things that you’re passionate about, the more clear those lines of disagreement are, the more numerous become your opponents.

It’s almost easier to just live life without opinion, to never vote, to commit to no particular group of people (e.g., religion), to choose entertainment over information, and to live life only to please one person . . . yourself.   It does seem easier, but it really isn’t, is it?  We each have opinions and there’s something inside of us that we truly care about - it’s part of what makes us human. 

Our tendency, when approached with a different opinion, is to create a scenario about that opinion, or take a bad example of that opinion, and prop it up as THE opinion.  In debate terms, this is a form of the “straw man” argument, where a viewpoint is distorted or a hidden agenda is assumed of the others’ opinion.  When we do this, then it’s easier to justify our own opinion and we sleep better.  Or do we?

It happens all the time, but rarely is it called out for what it actually is.  Let’s truly get down to the nitty-gritty of how we create “straw men” out of each other.  Hmmm, how do I do this without creating a Straw Man out of those who do this?  Well, it’s rather difficult, but the first order of business is that we need to assume the best (or better) of people and we also need to come to the realization that our argument probably has its deficiencies as well.  Based on these two solutions, there is one area that will continue to be the most guilty of Straw Man - politics.  As a result, we will not seek to solve that problem, but will move on to topics and areas where we can actually make a difference.

How about the present LGBTQ+ discussions that are happening both within church circles and outside of any religious discussion?  What if I, as a straight, married, Christian man, welcomed someone who identifies as being part of the LGBTQ+ community into my life as a friend, a co-worker, or a church-goer?  Using the terms distorted and hidden agenda, some would say that what I’m REALLY doing (hidden agenda) is befriending them in order to get them to see that their behavior is wrong so that they change.  Others would distort my kindness and friendliness into a full  agreement with all that the people in the LGBTQ+ community stand for, as if it’s impossible to truly love someone with whom you don’t see eye-to-eye.

Let’s really get dicey and talk about this issue within church circles.  Woo-Hoo!  If I am willing to use the term “gay Christian” and continue to fellowship with and take communion with and welcome them into the membership of my local church, I am seen by many as not taking God’s creation account seriously enough (distortion) or that what I’m really after or open to is sanctifying gay marriage or helping people fully transition (hidden agenda).  On the other hand, if I were to be of the mindset that I wanted to HELP my brothers or sisters in the Lord who are same-sex attracted, some would wonder, “Why does he think they need help?” Or, “He only cares about them if they were somehow attracted to the opposite sex!”

Already, I have probably fallen into this same fallacy.  Partly because it is just what happens and partly because I want to get down to my point in all of this.  But not quite yet.  First, allow me to give a few more examples of how we suffer from this illness across all areas of our life.  COVID-19 revealed a renaissance of the straw man, making maskers into the paranoid and non-maskers into the careless, or even hateful.  Any opinionated athlete or celebrity loses endorsements or is vilified in the media (there I go into my own “media straw man”) because they don’t get a chance to, or get heard out, for why they believe what they believe (Kyrie Irving, Aaron Rodgers, Lucy Lawless, Johnny Depp, Matthew McConnehay, etc.).  Oops, I’ve actually named names, now I’m opening up myself to people who will try to label my “take” on these people.  How would you respond to the quickly growing trend of women out-earning their husbands or partners (4% in 1960  and nearly 50% in 2020)?  Is this good or bad?  Your concern or celebration over this may open you up to distortions or accusations of hidden agendas.

All sides of all debates in all arenas across all platforms need a good dose of something that plagues every human - humility.  A true humility, those who we can look at and can truly witness their high character, is hard to find.  False humility seems pretty easy to spot, but then when we think we see humility from afar, we doubt it because “there’s got to be something up with them, right?”  Exactly!  That’s the point, there is something up with them, and with you, and with me!  When we can go about our days, have our discussions, and even talk about our disagreements in ways that seek to see the other person accurately (NOT distort) and have seeking to be heard as our true desire (no hidden agendas), then true civility and progress can be made.  Wait, you may say, what is progress?  Getting what YOU want?  Doing things YOUR way?  Making YOUR point in this blog post?  I would say that progress is, in your own sphere of influence, being a person who seeks to see people for who they really are (no distortion) and understand that you will need to work hard to both communicate your thoughts (no hidden agenda) and to change in order to be the person that you want to be.