Resources to help parent children in a sexualized culture

 

Where do I go, as a parent, to be on the offense when it comes to addressing our sexualized culture with my child?

Is there any way that a parent can parent AND be a partner with their child in battling the many pitfalls and lies that are out there?

Is there hope if my child has already been dealing with porn use or addiction for years without me knowing about it?

Is it possible to even expect that our whole family can be completely porn-free?

The answer to all of these questions can most certainly be answered in a positive way, in a way that brings hope to you, those around you, and those who come after you.

This post is simply a listing of places you can go for a healthy perspective and where you can know that many people like you are able to address each of these questions in a very victorious and God-honoring way.

Here they are, in no particular order:

This Talking to Toddlers link helps parents address pornography, from a mom who’s recovered from her own struggle.

This 30-minute podcast announces a forthcoming resource and talk with the creators of this popular documentary, “Into The Light.”

Defendyoungminds.com is dedicated to helping parents talk to their kids about sex.  They are the creators of the “Good Pictures Bad Pictures” books.

Barb Winters, founder of HopefulMom.net and author of Sexpectations, was interviewed by the Pure Desire podcast regarding, “Helping Next Gen Navigate Healthy Relationships.”

”God’s Design for Sex” book series, updated in 2019, includes four books intended to read with your children up to the age of 12.

Stay tuned and refer to the website of the organization that I help lead.  Broken Strength is a Christian non-profit that helps churches help their men battle for sexual purity and spiritual maturity.  Our resource page seeks to equip men, women, parents, and teens with the many good, biblical resources out there.

Our only hope, but our sure hope, is in the One who created the universe, created our world, created human beings, and created sex to be enjoyed thoroughly in the bonds of the marriage of a man and a woman.  What if sex has always been reserved for JUST this context?  We clearly would not have many of the ills that our culture currently has.

In order to finish with how the Bible describes this hope, I will simply give you 1 Peter 5:8-11:

Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.

“Is it a sin to . . .?”

When I was a youth pastor and we would be talking about dating, love, marriage, and sex, I would give the students a chance to write down questions anonymously.  Many questions would try to get some clarification, around the topic of physical touch, of what actually is a sin.  Even in our adulthood, we want to know what is an action that is “allowable” in God’s eyes but yet not officially sin.  If we can somehow maybe figure out that magical line between dabbling in fun, even questionable, behavior but not actually sinning, then we can truly have our cake and eat it too, right?

Here’s the catch . . . we’ve been making and enjoying the wrong cake all along.  The culture around us has been increasingly communicating that we should pursue whatever feelings we have sexually, as long as it’s mutual and doesn’t hurt anyone.  Plus, if we don’t have our guard up, our identity will be more defined by our sexual preference, our “chosen” gender, and our sin, rather than how God sees us.  It’s no wonder that we never feel satisfied, when we’re chasing after an ever-changing “cake.”

Let’s return to that question above, “When have I actually crossed that line?”   With this question, we assume two things:  The main sin issue that we need to be concerned about is physical AND God reluctantly allows us to have some fun, but He’s got to draw the line somewhere.  Let’s use an unrelated topic as an illustration: gambling.  Does God approve of gambling?  The better question is, “Since God’s in charge of money, what does he have to say about it?”  When we do this, we start thinking about how best to steward the money that we have, because it’s actually God’s money that He’s given us to use for the best eternal benefits.  Sure, it’s a more convicting way to look at it :-\, but it’s also the more liberating way to look at it because it produces the best results financially, emotionally, relationally, spiritually, etc.

So, the questions that brings us to the most fulfilling, abundant life are questions like this:  “Does God have anything to say about sex?  What is his desire for me right now as a male/female?”  We’re afraid of the answers for numerous reasons:  

• We may have to admit that we’ve already sinned.

• We think we won’t get to do what we really want to do.

• We won’t have the strength or ability to do what God wants.

• We, if we’re honest, just don’t like the answer, “No.”  

What is the cake that you’re truly wanting to eat?  Is that “cake” bringing you deep satisfaction and helping you become the person you want to be?  God has the best recipe regarding sex and has the only proven way that sex finds its right place in our lives: between a man and woman within the context of a marriage relationship.  As a result, sex becomes the beautiful thing that it was always supposed to be.  Unfortunately, for way too many people, sex is anything but a beautiful thing - it has caused hurt, destruction, pain, and created more hurdles than doorways.  Yet, there is true forgiveness, there is lots of fun, and there is always grace to be able to start doing the right thing.  God invites all honest interaction around this topic, He’s able to handle all our inquiries.

So, rather than trying to do whatever you can on your own while not offending God too much, how about making your life and sex life about honoring the one who created sex to begin with?  Take the principles found in Genesis 2:18-25 and Matthew 5:27-30, follow Jesus with all you are, and see how God transforms your questions and your life.  Oh yea, make sure you have someone pursuing this with you - we need each other.

There’s lots of great resources, here’s two that help give perspective:  www.apathtopurity.org and www.christian-sexuality.com.

What is honest sexuality?

Ever since Madonna some 25 years ago, there seems to be a pervading mentality amongst Americans that if your honest about your sexual feelings then you're going down the right road.  This road, as it's communicated to us, is the best road because we're no longer hiding and we can really be ourselves.

This mindset has contributed to us glorifying the "American Pie" movies as successful movie-making.  It has made celebrities out of people who simply choose to flaunt their sexuality on what we've chosen to call "reality TV."  It has forced young, talented singers like Britney Spears, Justin Timberlake, Miley Cyrus, and maybe even Justin Bieber to "turn up the heat" on their lyrics and stage presence in order to keep selling records.  Recently, it has made a villain out of new-Christian Angus T. Jones because he spoke out against the content of the show he's on, "Two and a Half Men," calling it "filth."

Yes, we have come to a place where a person can feel convicted by something he's been doing, want to become a better person, and be publicly lambasted for it.  Yet, at the same time, Fiat, Direct TV, and a European beer company use Charlie Sheen (the former star of the same show) and his bad boy image to sell their products.

Truly honest sexuality is when a person comes to grips with who invented sex (God), who is trying to reinvent sex (Satan - God's enemy), and how the original cannot be reinvented.  A person does not have to do very much research to see the devastating effects of living life based on the lie of Satan that sex can and should be had when we want and how we want it.  It produces all kinds of abuse, unwanted pregnancies, dehumanizing of females through pornography, and the defining of a person based on their sexual preference.

Each of every person on the face of this earth is a creation of God Almighty (Colossians 1:16).  Not only that, but each and every person is created in God's image (Genesis 1:26), which means that He put His heart and soul into who we are and why we're here (see Psalm 139:14).  As a result, we have no choice but to search with our whole hearts WHO our Creator is, WHY He created us, and WHAT we are to do about it.  I guarantee you that if you seek Him and His Word based on this premise, you will find TRUE sexuality, placed in its right context, and end up with life that is truly life.  This world cannot offer such a guarantee with its shallow, lust-based, selfish version of the original.

Just when you thought . . .

That's right, it can't get any worse, can it? I mean, you can only press the envelope so far until people are going to cry, "FOUL!" When will our culture realize its continuing downward spiral in every important area? Our morals are slipping, our schools are struggling, our families are disintegrating, and our churches are lifeless. Of course, I am using generalities, for there are many people who are maintaining high standards, many schools that are thriving, many families that are strong, and many churches that are full of life. It is quite evident, though, that the "norm" in this country is the following: It's OK to have sex when you feel like it, to drink when you feel like you can handle it, to talk about sex with whomever, whenever, and to lie as long as it doesn't "hurt anybody." Emotionally, I am pretty angry, because I can't even watch a simple NBA basketball game on ABC with my son without both of us getting inundated with commercial images of an upcoming show that promotes adultery, lying, cheating, and voyeurism. Plus, while watching a Stanley Cup Finals game, NBC continued to promote a show that puts "hot" couples on an island to vie for each other's "love", if that's what you call it. No, this isn't some cable network, or second-rate network trying to get viewers, no matter what kind they are. These are major networks, during primetime, promoting, apparently, their major shows this Summer. Then, we've got seasoned actors like Adam Sandler and Will Ferrel, for example, who feel the need to keep producing guaranteed money-makers despite the complete lack of anything good coming from most of their movies. Sure, many would say that, in the end, the movies have a good lesson of what's important in life. What motivates them to make these movies to begin with . . . the moral at the end of the movie? No way! The real motivation is the "Almighty Dollar". What sells movies like that is sex, jokes about sex, and trailers promoting sex. The "logic" goes something like this: Let's teach a lesson that life is about more than just sex by making a movie that has sexual images and language that'll really get people to pay for it. It would be like getting people to try your health food story by offering 2 for 1 candy bars to every person that comes in the door. My son and I will not allow the media, our world, or our culture to dictate what's important and what's worth pursuing. All of those things, whether it's sex, money, power, or popularity, does not and can not bring satisfaction to life. Only a life lived out according to it's Creator will be satisfying and most enjoyed. As sad as this sounds to me, this may mean watching LESS sports because it simply is not worth it for me to risk me or my son's values just to watch a little basketball.