When I was a youth pastor and we would be talking about dating, love, marriage, and sex, I would give the students a chance to write down questions anonymously. Many questions would try to get some clarification, around the topic of physical touch, of what actually is a sin. Even in our adulthood, we want to know what is an action that is “allowable” in God’s eyes but yet not officially sin. If we can somehow maybe figure out that magical line between dabbling in fun, even questionable, behavior but not actually sinning, then we can truly have our cake and eat it too, right?
Here’s the catch . . . we’ve been making and enjoying the wrong cake all along. The culture around us has been increasingly communicating that we should pursue whatever feelings we have sexually, as long as it’s mutual and doesn’t hurt anyone. Plus, if we don’t have our guard up, our identity will be more defined by our sexual preference, our “chosen” gender, and our sin, rather than how God sees us. It’s no wonder that we never feel satisfied, when we’re chasing after an ever-changing “cake.”
Let’s return to that question above, “When have I actually crossed that line?” With this question, we assume two things: The main sin issue that we need to be concerned about is physical AND God reluctantly allows us to have some fun, but He’s got to draw the line somewhere. Let’s use an unrelated topic as an illustration: gambling. Does God approve of gambling? The better question is, “Since God’s in charge of money, what does he have to say about it?” When we do this, we start thinking about how best to steward the money that we have, because it’s actually God’s money that He’s given us to use for the best eternal benefits. Sure, it’s a more convicting way to look at it :-\, but it’s also the more liberating way to look at it because it produces the best results financially, emotionally, relationally, spiritually, etc.
So, the questions that brings us to the most fulfilling, abundant life are questions like this: “Does God have anything to say about sex? What is his desire for me right now as a male/female?” We’re afraid of the answers for numerous reasons:
We may have to admit that we’ve already sinned.
We think we won’t get to do what we really want to do.
We won’t have the strength or ability to do what God wants.
We, if we’re honest, just don’t like the answer, “No.”
What is the cake that you’re truly wanting to eat? Is that “cake” bringing you deep satisfaction and helping you become the person you want to be? God has the best recipe regarding sex and has the only proven way that sex finds its right place in our lives: between a man and woman within the context of a marriage relationship. As a result, sex becomes the beautiful thing that it was always supposed to be. Unfortunately, for way too many people, sex is anything but a beautiful thing - it has caused hurt, destruction, pain, and created more hurdles than doorways. Yet, there is true forgiveness, there is lots of fun, and there is always grace to be able to start doing the right thing. God invites all honest interaction around this topic, He’s able to handle all our inquiries.
So, rather than trying to do whatever you can on your own while not offending God too much, how about making your life and sex life about honoring the one who created sex to begin with? Take the principles found in Genesis 2:18-25 and Matthew 5:27-30, follow Jesus with all you are, and see how God transforms your questions and your life. Oh yea, make sure you have someone pursuing this with you - we need each other.
There’s lots of great resources, here’s two that help give perspective: www.apathtopurity.org and www.christian-sexuality.com.
