“Is it a sin to . . .?”

When I was a youth pastor and we would be talking about dating, love, marriage, and sex, I would give the students a chance to write down questions anonymously.  Many questions would try to get some clarification, around the topic of physical touch, of what actually is a sin.  Even in our adulthood, we want to know what is an action that is “allowable” in God’s eyes but yet not officially sin.  If we can somehow maybe figure out that magical line between dabbling in fun, even questionable, behavior but not actually sinning, then we can truly have our cake and eat it too, right?

Here’s the catch . . . we’ve been making and enjoying the wrong cake all along.  The culture around us has been increasingly communicating that we should pursue whatever feelings we have sexually, as long as it’s mutual and doesn’t hurt anyone.  Plus, if we don’t have our guard up, our identity will be more defined by our sexual preference, our “chosen” gender, and our sin, rather than how God sees us.  It’s no wonder that we never feel satisfied, when we’re chasing after an ever-changing “cake.”

Let’s return to that question above, “When have I actually crossed that line?”   With this question, we assume two things:  The main sin issue that we need to be concerned about is physical AND God reluctantly allows us to have some fun, but He’s got to draw the line somewhere.  Let’s use an unrelated topic as an illustration: gambling.  Does God approve of gambling?  The better question is, “Since God’s in charge of money, what does he have to say about it?”  When we do this, we start thinking about how best to steward the money that we have, because it’s actually God’s money that He’s given us to use for the best eternal benefits.  Sure, it’s a more convicting way to look at it :-\, but it’s also the more liberating way to look at it because it produces the best results financially, emotionally, relationally, spiritually, etc.

So, the questions that brings us to the most fulfilling, abundant life are questions like this:  “Does God have anything to say about sex?  What is his desire for me right now as a male/female?”  We’re afraid of the answers for numerous reasons:  

• We may have to admit that we’ve already sinned.

• We think we won’t get to do what we really want to do.

• We won’t have the strength or ability to do what God wants.

• We, if we’re honest, just don’t like the answer, “No.”  

What is the cake that you’re truly wanting to eat?  Is that “cake” bringing you deep satisfaction and helping you become the person you want to be?  God has the best recipe regarding sex and has the only proven way that sex finds its right place in our lives: between a man and woman within the context of a marriage relationship.  As a result, sex becomes the beautiful thing that it was always supposed to be.  Unfortunately, for way too many people, sex is anything but a beautiful thing - it has caused hurt, destruction, pain, and created more hurdles than doorways.  Yet, there is true forgiveness, there is lots of fun, and there is always grace to be able to start doing the right thing.  God invites all honest interaction around this topic, He’s able to handle all our inquiries.

So, rather than trying to do whatever you can on your own while not offending God too much, how about making your life and sex life about honoring the one who created sex to begin with?  Take the principles found in Genesis 2:18-25 and Matthew 5:27-30, follow Jesus with all you are, and see how God transforms your questions and your life.  Oh yea, make sure you have someone pursuing this with you - we need each other.

There’s lots of great resources, here’s two that help give perspective:  www.apathtopurity.org and www.christian-sexuality.com.

Porn is not real

Yet another reason why I love sports is because it is so REAL!  You have two people, or two teams, that are doing their best to win a game and they are all trying to be the best they can be, in the midst of who they actually are.  There’s no acting or pretending, just pure effort and emotion.

On the other hand, much of the entertainment industry is based on people being somebody or doing something that’s been rehearsed or airbrushed or polished in some way.  To be sure, I understand that many movies and TV shows have value despite the fact that those people aren’t really being “themselves.”  There value, though, is because they are seeking to portray real life human activity, emotions, and situations in such a way that it gets you to think about your own situation and even opens your eyes to the much different lives that real people do actually live.  

What IS NOT real about much of media is what brings me to the title of this post.  When people post suggestive or evocative content on line just to get followers, this is harmful (side note:  When content is created to play on people’s fears or to give them permission to satisfy a lustful craving, this is harmful).  Pornography is exactly this.  Humans and their sexuality are intimately connected.  We were created to be relational, to be intimate, and to be sexual, among other things.  When sex, as it is often portrayed, is overwhelmingly communicated in unrealistic ways and in ways that would be unhealthy in real life, that is extremely harmful to all involved.

Examples of this are wide-ranging.  It could be as sublime as portraying sex in popular rom-coms or romance movies, or even many dramas and action flicks, as fulfilling for both partners after just one night or one experience.  Or it could be as blatant as the sex that the multi-billion dollar porn industry ($15-$95 billion per year) portrays.  In these choreographed sex scenes, for instance, both partners perfectly perform with the right bodies and both are equally and easily satisfied.  Or, as an example of something even more damaging, 80% of the top-50-viewed porn movies depicted violence against women.  Of these violent scenes, about 90% of these females had either a neutral or positive reaction to it.  When we as a culture portray sex in such a way and when parents even allow their kids to have access to all kinds of images and pornography in the name of “growing up” or some sort of “right of passage”, we set up young men and women for failure.  We set up everyone for marriages where sex is viewed as, at best, an obligation and, at worst, a chore or ignoring it all together.  Why?  Because our culture has wired brains to think that multiple partners, pornography, and “keeping it spicy” are what sex is all about. 

No one can measure up to things that we aren’t even made for!  So, first, know that anything porn-related (any printed or visual material intended to stimulate erotic rather than aesthetic or emotional feelings) must be eradicated from your life because it’s meant to do something that you were created to have, but only from your spouse.  Second, know that if this sounds daunting to you, you are not alone.  There are reasons why pornography is a cultural epidemic: it is highly addictive AND culturally acceptable.  Third, know that the God who created you with all of these desires has a plan for you and wants to bring you to Himself and walk you through fulfilling these desires in His way (which is the best way!).  There are many helpful tools and websites (puredesire.org, apathtopurity.org, covenanteyes.org) to get you going, but please do whatever it takes to have a plan.  The lives of our families and the well-being of our children are at stake!

The Religion of the NFL

 Believe it or not, this is not a piece that will vilify the NFL.  I don't have time to stand in that line of "enemies of the NFL," which is a religion of its own.  Plus, that line is long enough and, admittedly, I kind of like football and am a die hard Bronco fan.  

The National Football League reached a low in 2016-2017 in viewership of only 14.9 million per game, down 10% from the previous year due to many issues, mainly on the political front.  The next off-season the Supreme Court opened the door for the expansion of gambling on sporting events.  Viewership had risen every year from then until the 2021-2022 season.  Though less have watched over the past two years, gambling has more than doubled over the past two years!  One way or another, the NFL has a pull, a draw, an addicting nature to it, it seems.

People are looking for something to follow, to run to, to fall back on in the midst of a world that is growing increasingly tiring and hateful.  Religion, simply put, is man's way of making sense of things, or of getting to God, if your one to believe that God makes sense of things.  In my case, a biblically-accurate Christianity is how I "get to God."  By God's grace in sending Jesus into the world to die for the world's sins, He has opened the door for all who repent of the their sins and believe by faith in the person and work of Jesus to have eternal life.  In other words, it wasn't my effort that saved me, it was God's actions towards me.

What is your way of making sense of things?  Maybe you dive into your job, or a hobby, or your family.  Maybe your stuck in an unhealthy cycle of drug, alcohol, porn, or gambling addiction?  Maybe it's your relationship with God that is bringing you perspective?  Everybody has something they default to, or numerous things that compete for their attention.  The NFL is an easy way to fill that void, to be sure, yet it still falls short.  Even if you increase your interest in the NFL by betting or doing fantasy football or building a friend group around your team, it still will always fall short of making sense of things.  As I've argued earlier, football holds some great life lessons in it, both for fans and players.  Also, it's a blast to follow the story-lines and the unpredictable nature of almost any game (hey, my Broncos almost pulled off an upset and scored four touchdowns in one game, so anything is possible).  Yet, the NFL, nor anything else that briefly distracts us from the world, will ever truly help us.

Each person needs something that will fulfill their expectations of creating lasting purpose, giving real peace, and producing joy beyond your circumstances.  A religion CAN NOT do this because religion will always be centered on OUR EFFORTS.  Yes, there are certain Christian efforts that unintentionally make it all about us.  Yet, the essence of Christianity is not a religion, but a lifestyle of following Jesus and making Him our aim, our focus, our Lord.  Whatever you default to . . . how's that working for you?  

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."  Romans 8:28 nails it!  His purpose for us is our best purpose ever.  Go ahead and dive into whatever healthy job or hobby you have.  Go ahead and get the help you need to get away from the unhealthy coping mechanisms you have.  But do it all while telling God, often, that He's your focus, your favorite, your Lord. 

Doing, fully, what you believe in.

Both in Tom Cruise's The Firm and Jim Carey's Liar Liar we find very similar plot lines, though carried out in two completely different ways.  The answer to the stereotypically unethical law practice is to dive fully into the practice of law as it was always meant to be practiced.  Though in practice it probably doesn't usually turn out this way, the point of the movies is that doing things the right way will always win out in the end.  But what if you are committed to being an ethical lawyer that does your job very well and thorough and by-the-book?  Will you always, or even mostly, win out in the end?  Will you thrive in your practice?  I'd like to think the answer is, "YES!" but I have no idea because I'm not a lawyer.

What do you do if you're on a team or part of a business or part of a church and things aren't going very well?  To what degree do you start doing things differently, or do you change your values, or do you give up all together?  How do you stick to what's right and true and pure?

Whether it's practicing law, medicine, leadership, or life, the only way to get through your days and weather the many storms is to double down on the essence of why you do what you do.  Know what you believe in, make sure it's worth believing, and 100% run with it.  There will be no greater regret when you come to the end of your working days (or your actual days) then if you held back from what you knew you needed to do.

There are certain truths from all of these professional disciplines that everybody accepts as non-negotiables.  One truth that supersedes them all and effects them all is the truth of the existence and activity of an all-loving, all-powerful, all-wise God.  His existence is not dependent on your belief in Him or not.  His activity is not dependent on whether you want Him to be active or not.  His presence, though, is deeply effected by whether you really want Him to walk with you or not.  He knows when He's wanted and He knows the heart of each man and woman.  As a result, we cannot fully understand His ways and why He does (or doesn't do) what He does.  But, we who trust Him and love Him can count on His many promises.

Psalm 91 holds promise to all who double down on their belief in this great God.  He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.  I will say to the LORD, "My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."  But it's not because of smooth waters that the writer has this conviction, for he lists the many hardships - "snare of the fowler," "deadly pestilence," "terror of the night," "arrow that flies by day," "pestilence that stalks the darkness," and "destruction that wastes at noonday."  It's BECAUSE God is all that He says He is and has proven faithful for thousands and thousands of years that I will never turn my back on Him.  Nothing, and I mean nothing, in my life even touches these descriptions or the many examples in history of men and women who have suffered greatly and died while suffering yet never denying their savior and their God.

Stick to your convictions.  Yet, make sure these convictions dovetail with the reality of the God of the Bible.  If you do this, you won't stray far and He will always answer you, rescue you, and be your refuge.

Why football is the best sports analogy to life

There's nothing quite like watching a team that's working together, choreographing their movements play after play after play, performing as one.  It's why college basketball is more enjoyable than pro basketball, because the pros have become more and more about a group of individuals doing their own thing.  It's why pro football is better than college football, because the game of football can ONLY be perfected as a team, as interdependent players counting on each other to do their part for longer periods of time.  It's the only one of the major sports worldwide where half the team has absolutely no say in how half the game goes.

A person's legacy, in professional sports, is partly dependent on how many championships that team wins.  Football, then, seems completely unfair, because the best player at any given position can only influence half of the game.  Therefore, for as much as I abhor lists of greatest players ever, so many players are left off the list or are put farther down the list because they were on losing teams or never won it all.

Maybe "winning it all" in the sports world isn't all it's cracked up to be.  Maybe the one thing that drives each person to compete and strap on the cleats season-after-losing-season isn't a championship.  It doesn't sell tickets or create a loyal fan base, but maybe the best part about being a team is simply coming together as a team!

So, why is football the greatest sport ever?  Because the best way for all the pieces to work together is for each piece to be so good and focused at what they do, that they're not concerned about how another player is doing their job.  Plus, they realize that their best can always be better so they have grace for other parts that fail but are trying to get better.  One example is the whole dynamic of winning.  The left guard on the offense has some very specific jobs to do, but only on about 50% of the snaps.  Though a motivation may be winning, his immediate motivation is doing his job and knowing enough about the other 10 players' jobs that he jives perfectly with them.  He can leave the immediate motivation of winning to the head coach and the general manager.  They and they alone see the big picture and make decisions to move the right pieces in the right place in order to beat the next opponent.  And, when you turn it around, the head coach and general manager shouldn't have to spend any time concerned about whether the left guard is pulling on this play or not, but can look for other things on each play and each game to move forward.

Whatever other team you are involved with, use football as a great picture of teamwork.  Who's the "boss"?  Who's the one who sets the temperature and determines direction?  Find out all you can about their motivation, their goals, their M.O.  Now, make sure you know your role.  What's your immediate motivation?  Even it equates to bringing water out to the team at timeouts, do that role the best you can and find out how you can improve it.  Almost all GM's, team trainers, and offensive coordinators started at a position where they were faithful and good at what they did.

Finally, as the church, the simple transition into "Leaving it all on the field" is that we need to be all about our leader, the head of the church, Jesus Christ!  I'm not going to give it all I've got "on the field" just so that I can pull at the right time and block the right guy with the right kind of block. I'm going to do that play after play because I believe in what "the boss" is doing and that their way is the best way.  Jesus knows what He's doing, so get to know Him, His playbook, and His heart.

 

The Lost Art of Asking for Help

 Kyler Murray of the NFL Arizona Cardinals signed a $230.5 million contract that brings him through the 2028 season.  He was about to start the last year of his contract, but his club clearly wants him to know of their commitment to him.  Murray turned 25 yesterday (Happy Birthday, Kyler!) and stated after his team’s playoff loss to eventual Super Bowl champion Los Angeles Rams, “I’m going to continue to grow and get better.”

This young man (yes, he is still quite young) knows that he must get better and that being an NFL quarterback is no longer just a fun activity, is nothing like college ball, and that he has more than just his own future riding on his shoulders.  His QB rating has gone up each of his three seasons, which is something few other QB’s have been able to say about their first three years.  He clearly deserves this new contract, for his first three years rank quite high up among the greatest first three years ever (not really close to Mahomes, Rodgers, or Marino, but clearly better than Manning, Elway, Brady, and Brees).

 Yet, what gets almost all of the press is one addendum in the contract that seeks to dictate how Murray spends four hours per week during the season.  He must spend four hours each week studying for the upcoming game, without other distractions like internet surfing, gaming, or video-watching.  That’s right, FOUR (4) HOURS-A-WEEK, for about 26-30 weeks, depending on how long the team’s season is.  Why so much press?  Well, initially because it’s odd, not normal for a contract of this magnitude to have such a clause in it.  Then, once talk shows, newspapers, and know-it-all sports “insiders” got ahold of it, they were questioning why in the world Murray would agree to such a stipulation and why the Cardinals felt like they needed this type of “babysitting” for their star player.  These conversations morphed into such ridiculous theories which gave Murray a poor work ethic and even accused the Cardinal’s organization as racist.

 At the risk of being simplistic and for the love of keeping things out of the headlines that shouldn’t be there, allow me to propose another thought here:  Kyler Murray wants to get better and is willing to take the advice of his employer regarding one way that he can get better.

What if it is as simple as that?  Well, first, that’s not really headline grabbing, so we choose not to go down that road.  Secondly, though, very few of us want to admit that we have lots to learn, and even fewer of us will go to the length of putting things in place to keep us learning.  Proverbs 30:2 (a book of some of the wisest sayings ever penned) is a self-declaration that each man, woman, and child should learn to utter for the rest of their days:  “I am more stupid than any other person, and I lack a human’s ability to understand.”

 From this one verse, there are two things we can learn from God and human history:

1.     We are not the sharpest tool in the shed.  You will grow more and learn more when you are of the mindset that most people are smarter than you.

2.     We are limited in our capacity to understand.  You are not God, there is only one God, and the one God has full understanding that He’s willing to guide us with.

Though I’m sure it’s out there, I hadn’t located any writers or sports talkers that supported Kyler Murray’s willingness to be held accountable for something that he needs to get better at.  How about a shout out to his employer (the Arizona Cardinals) for having a wholistic approach to protecting their investment by making sure that this young man develops this important part of his job (and future jobs, as well, whenever he’s done playing football).  Oh, and let’s add a third thing that God teaches us and that, if we’re honest, we know to be true:  We need each other in so many ways.

So, find an employer that cares about you as a person then be loyal to that employer to the point that you willingly admit your weaknesses and develop your strengths for their benefit.  This type of humble approach to life does EVERYBODY good, including yourself.

UPDATE:  The Cardinals chose to take the clause out in order for it not to be a distraction. It's funny how somebody else's brief obsession with what they THINK they know (the press) can dictate how an individual or organization runs their own stuff after giving it alot of thought.

Living in an Alternate Universe

Once again, a super hero movie does a wonderful job of nailing some key truths about our world, yet does it in such a way that it leaves God completely out of the picture.

 

Is it Hollywood’s job to teach us about God?  Of course not!  Is it the Christian movie industry' job to teach us about God?  No, it actually isn’t. But more on that at a later date.

 

For now, I will focus on the recent “The Batman” movie.  The problem of corruption in Gotham City is as staple of a theme in Batman as surface to air missiles is to James Bond’s cars.  How this last movie tackled it though, gives some humanity to the villain and puts the hero right in the middle of the problem.  If the villain is fighting corruption, can he be all that bad?  What actually separates the vigilante Batman from the villain, anyway?  Is it simply that he's not AS crazy?  Or, is Batman really the answer?  For the record, I really liked this version of DC's most famous superhero.

 

Yet, the main problem with these movies still persists.  Just like real life problems of racism, hatred, drugs, sexual assault, violence, bullying, etc. continue to be fought with the toothless weapons of legislation and the dead-end volleying of ideas on social media and at water coolers, movies continue to address real problems without any mention of or concept of or nod to God.

 

I realize that it’s much more entertaining to watch something in an alternate universe, but do we, the fans, really leave it there?  When we observe people living REAL lives in an "alternate" universe of do-what-I-want-with-no-consequences, it makes you wonder whether we’re all just hoping that there is a REAL alternate life waiting for us somewhere beyond this world.  "Maybe I can just live my next lifetime in a world where there’s no murder or hate?" we casually reason.  There must be a reason why there's such a huge market for alternate universe productions: Marvel has close to 100 movies and TV episodes that can be put in a timeline, for instance.  Star Wars has a similar universe going on, to the point that people have developed their own fan base on YouTube as a full time job.  One YouTuber, for instance, is advancing theories like Jar-Jar Binks is the evil emperor.  What if that is actually true?  Well, it would blow many minds, but it would actually make no difference whatsoever in any way in our day-to-day lives.

 

Here’s a test that I have not looked into, but I’d be willing to wager something on:  There are many Summer movies coming out in 2022 that are parts of a franchise or at least a sequel of something.  Out of all of these this Summer, out of all of these alternate worlds, how many worlds have God as a part of them, in any way?  How, then, are problems solved and chaotic plots resolved in these movies? 

 

Having said all of this, I’m still a fan of such movies.  Why?  Because all truth is God’s truth.  Because no matter how hard we try to portray real human emotions and problems in a fictional universe apart from God, we will end up proving things that the Bible has been talking about for thousands of years.  As an example, let’s use the end of The Batman (minor, possible spoiler warning).  Batman realizes that, no matter who he puts away for however long, Gotham will never change.  Yet, he says that he still has to fight it.  Even after the observation that he may die doing it, he doesn’t relent.  Even after another tantalizing offer comes that could woo him away from Gotham to an easier life, the person trying to woo him says something like, “yet I know you won’t come, because you belong to another.”  Batman’s mind is already made up – he’ll never leave Gotham and go live the good life with his billions of dollars – because he simply belongs there.

 

Here’s the truth that God’s been talking about for, well, EVER:  We are meant, as humans, to belong to Him, to be on mission with Him, to be about something bigger than ourselves.  This mission, since God created us with that mindset already, is a mission specifically designed for us.  This is why, any mission apart from God, no matter how noble, leaves us empty and will fall short of truly solving any problems.  We are not meant for self-sufficiency or loving whoever we feel like or being true to ourselves, we are meant for putting others before us, for loving people in the way God loves us, and for being true to our God.  Nothing ought to draw us away from this mission, for once this mission is instilled in our head, once our love for God becomes a part of who we are, we cannot be convinced of ever leaving, for the world and others who are wooing us will realize that we belong to another.