Marriage, a Means or an End?

What are some key ingredients in the recipe for "losing your passion"?

• Make sure you see all your relationships as ways to get what you want.
• Never ask the "Why?" question when deciding how to spend your free-time.
• Look at your job as mainly a means to get money.
• View money as the end, rather than a means to more important things.

Ultimately, we lose passion for living and we lose perspective in our day-to-day lives when we neglect, forget, or never look into how it all begins.  Why do I have all these relationships?  What is the best use of my free time?  Why does the company exist that I work for and what is my role?  Why does money drive so many people and does it really fulfill its promises?

Marriage is no different, for if marriage is the goal, then we can define it how we want and we can determine our (and others') worth based on it.  We get into the marriage and, sometimes sooner and sometimes later, we ask ourselves, "Is this all there is?"  It's not a commentary on our spouse, but rather on our false expectations of marriage.  Even the most important person in our earthly life was never intended to fill our void (no matter how great the movie line is, Jerry Maguire).

Why does the nagging inner voice keep asking, "Is this all there is?"  Because the most important relationship we could ever hope of having has been tainted forever.  You and I have something in common - it's our need for complete communion with our Creator.  We fill this void with money, people, success, power, pleasure, etc.  We experience short term satisfaction and enjoyment but we know, at the heart of it all, that it just didn't cut it for us.

Back to marriage.  Because marriage, then, was never meant to fill the void or "complete" anyone, what is it for?  It is a means (and a very important one according to Genesis 3:24 and Ephesians 5:22-33) to showing someone what love looks like and that Jesus is the ultimate lover, dying for our sins, in our place.  If God is our most important relationship, and Jesus is the means to reconciling with our God, then selfless, heterosexual, only-one-spouse marriage is the only definition of marriage that can help us get back to God.

Yes, many heterosexual marriages are selfish.  In fact, one could argue that, on any scale that a person could invent, many homosexual marriages have more redeemable qualities than many heterosexual marriages.  But this is no reason to redefine marriage.  After all, who am I to doubt the true love of a teacher for her 16-year old boyfriend/student?  Without some sort of guidelines and standards of what's appropriate and what isn't, we are all reduced to our own definitions (and we all know what wins when our feelings have war with our self-imposed standards).

Who should define marriage then?  Allow the Inventor of marriage to define it, run with that definition, and enjoy marriage for the means to see God that it was meant to be.  Or, define marriage the way you see fit, see it as an end in itself, and constantly come up against a dead end on the road of a life that is truly full of life.

What Incites You?

Does anything incite you?
Does nothing incite you?
Something incites you!

After reading some comments and articles on the Los Angeles Dodgers' division-winning celebration in the pool at the home of the Arizona Diamondbacks, I found myself becoming very opinionated and a little peeved.  As with many sports-related issues that I love to read about, write about, and talk with others about, this one can be permanently filed away in the "It doesn't really matter in the long run" file.  We know this, but we still get emotional about many such matters, whether it's sports, politics, morality, or religion.

Since this is my first post since LAST football season, I'll be brief.

Before getting into what truly incites me, allow me to list three rock-solid truths that we must remember:
1.  Life will not go the way you plan.  We can't even predict what will happen in the next hour, let alone planning the rest of our lives.  Is planning good?  Of course . . . count the cost . . . plan ahead . . . live with purpose.  Yet, this truth will help each of us deal with surprises with much less surprise.
2.  Sin is a problem of epidemic proportions.  Not only will things not go as planned, but BAD things will happen through you, to you, and without your help.  Until Jesus returns and rescues those who are His own, we must all be prepared for the worst.
3.  Nobody is better than anybody else.  Ultimately, we are all in the same boat.  We all need rescuing.  Nobody has a right to say, "I deserve eternal life."

Second, let me share what incites me, most of all.  No, not what gets me excited each Sunday afternoon or when I read political articles.  This is something that, ANYTIME I start thinking about it, I feel overwhelmed and want to simply snap my fingers hoping it'll all change.  What incites me most of all is our continued belief and practice that God can be ignored and that we're OK on our own.

"Humble yourselves before the Lord and He will exalt you."  James 4:10

• God's plan will win out.
• Our sin is paid for by God's only son, Jesus Christ.
• Each of us need Jesus in order to be saved and live a full life.

Not just for eternity, but in the here and now, learning about, loving, and following Jesus is the only way to deal with whatever incites you.  He will give you perspective and, more importantly, He will give you life that is truly life.

Eye on the Prize

Lebron James just won his third MVP award. In his interview he was genuinely focused on the task at hand - winning a championship for the organization, his team, and himself. He not only said all the right words, but his actions prove his words to be true. One could say that he has given himself fully to this one goal, though he's come short each of his nine (9) NBA seasons. Many star athletes have given themselves to the goal of winning a team championship and a high percentage of them come up short year after year after year. What if he does reach his goal this year? Then what? His next goal, I suppose, would be to win championship number two, right? Then what? What, then, is the goal? If the goal keeps moving and changing, then how satisfying could the reaching of that goal actually be. Truth is, there's not very many goals that are TRULY satisfying and lasting. The trick is to find a goal that keeps you focused yet doesn't leave you wanting after reaching it. There's only one goal that will satisfy both of those components, and that's a goal that is not dependent on ANY of the following three things: 1. Gaining a certain amount of power or earning a certain position. (I'll be satisfied when I've reached . . .) 2. Reaching a certain material goal of any kind. (I'll be set when I've earned or bought . . .) 3. Feeling a certain way about what you've done or where you've been. (I'll be happy when . . .) Rather, our goal needs to fixed on a prize that never fades and our eyes need to fixed on a person that will never steer us wrong and will always be with us. The prize is the call of God to be with Him (read more here). The person is Jesus, who laid down His life for each of us, kicked death (and Satan) in the face, and literally designed our path for us. Finally, Jesus created the plan to make it happen. Why not pursue a goal that won't leave you empty in the end? Why not pursue a goal that's worth pursuing, every single day of your life? Why not give your whole life to Jesus, because it'll make all of your earthly, temporary goals even that much more satisfying.

Leaving it all on the field

“And truly, I say to you, wherever the gospel is proclaimed in the whole world, what she has done will be told in memory of her.” (Mark 14:9) The woman in Simon’s home broke open an expensive bottle of perfume, anointed Jesus with it, and was ridiculed by all around her . . . except Jesus. Instead He honors her and we hear of her faith to this very day. What might people do to me or think of me as I follow Jesus the way He tells me to? As a lifelong people-pleaser, it pains me to know that there are people that have, are, and will be bothered by what I do and say. As I begin this intentional journey of dying to self and trusting my God with honor, I have chosen an analogy that will help me walk down this road.

The goal of any athlete who wants to give it his or her all is to “leave it all on the field.” Once the game or event is over, they should be able to look themselves in the mirror and say that there was really nothing left for them to give. Then, and only then, whether in blowout victory, a close result, or humiliating loss, can a person say, with integrity, “I gave it my all.” What, after all, is more rewarding than knowing that you did what you could to win, or help your team win?

Once God chooses that my time on this earth is over, I want to be able to say to His face, “Lord, I really don’t know what else I could have done . . . I gave You my all!” If God were to take me today, just having turned 44, I could not say that. This saddens me, but it doesn’t sadden me enough. My prayer is that this journey will not only shape what I do with my life, but will shape my heart as His heart is shaped.

As Harold Crick, in “Stranger than Fiction,” willingly faces his death after finding out how noble of a death it was, I want to live out my days the way God prescribes because I know that it will be a noble death in the way He defines it. He knows what He’s doing. Just as Jesus said of that woman, may He say of us, that we did all that we could (Mark 14:8a).